Missing Grandma

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Posted by vera | Posted in Parenting | Posted on 22-12-2009

Today is December 22, the day my Mother died 16 years ago.

As I do every year, I review the day of her death, the weeks and days leading up to it, and the final hours preceding the aftermath of a 21-year-old coping with the logistics of funeral arrangements and final tax returns while managing an elderly grandmother. 

Mom-at-Second-St-1994-frameI do this alone, having no family to commemorate the occasion with me (The grandmother has long since passed away, I am an only child, and my father died long before my mother, as did an uncle).

Perhaps the strongest factor in my continuing grief is the fact that Alex and Simon, my five-year-old twin boys, never got to meet their “other grandma”.  We have a large photo of my mother hanging in the front hall… the boys know that is “Mommy’s mommy, who died before we were born”.  And I often tell them stories of my mother.  But I frequently mourn the loss of her opportunity to be a grandmother.

I know she would have loved to be a grandparent – and to monozygotic twin boys to boot!  I can just imagine her excitement at discovering that her only child (me!) was pregnant with twins, and then her support throughout the multiples pregnancy – which I sorely missed at the time!  Importantly for everyone, she could have – and surely would have – been there to lend a hand after the boys were born, in those first few chaotic weeks post-partem.

My husband and I survived the first few years with twins, and indeed are now quite enjoying our fantastic children.  But whenever one of them engages in some antic or other, whether it be a cute little song well sung, or a creative craft shared with me, I inevitably think “what a shame that my mom never got to experience this”.

If you are lucky enough to have both sets of grandparents around to help raise YOUR children, give them a big hug this holiday season, and let them know how much you appreciate them!

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